CEASED TO EXIST

if only i can change what had happened and wish some people never existed or i myself can disappear from this, now and immediately. Don't really know what's going on for so long. leading my life aimlessly and soon i think i lost my true self. what am i doin and what am i seeking. the more i wish to make myself happier, at the end of the day, i feel even more unhappy and upset. maybe i shouldn't be like this anymore. stubborness is just getting in my way but when the time is soon to come, i probably can.

Today is the day i owe someone a promise that i should fulfill. but i guess i have not been trying hard enough so can i request for an extended deadline?

Data entry job ends today, hmmm... losing one source of income, should i continue another job?
at least working will allow me to escape and feel busy. but for only that short while.

Got my results today. i think i screwed my poly life semester after semester. this time my gpa dropped slightly again. it is a disappointment to myself. i could have done better. But this semester was really a tough one for me. i tried so hard to concentrate and work it through all odds. really, it's painful and teadious. i almost breakdown at some point during that period.

When you know it is impossible, don't try hoping for some possibilities to come out of it.
cause it will never happen.